I was looking forward to this class-it was at 8:30 AM so you know it had to be compelling to rouse me from my sleep. I sat at the very back of the room since I was a little late, shockingly. I could only see one of the speakers occasionally, but that was fine, I was there to absorb their words not their images. I probably learn better without being able to see so I'm not distracted. (Her skirt is so cute, I wonder where she got it. I love those shoes. You know, that sort of thing. My mind wanders constantly!) Anyway, I thought I would be learning about eating separately or making adjustments to meals to accommodate everyone, which I could take back and apply to my own life. That wasn't really the case. What happened is this.
I realized that the panel and a good number of attendees had been vegans for many, many years. Most were vegan before they met their partner(s). They all talked about what they could and could not tolerate. Some could absolutely tolerate eating across the table from someone eating a steak. Others would give their partner a 'meat drawer' but would not participate in the purchasing or preparation or even witness the consumption of the meat. Most spoke of a visceral reaction to smelling or being in the same room as meat. A good number throughout their relationship(s) became less and less tolerant and found their own acquiescence had become a problem. They kept raising the bar I guess you could say.
Carol J. Adams, a well known author in the vegetarian community, struck a deal with her husband at the time they were starting a family. The children could have his name as long as they had her diet. Not a bad compromise. I, myself, use the same philosophy in raising our children. Whomever its more important to wins. That's all. If its more important for him to have the children do something than it is for me to not have them do it, then they do it. Does that make sense? I hope so. Its pretty much how I handle most things in life.
Another panel member (I couldn't see her) told the story of her current situation. She remarried and realized that she could not have children with her current husband because he was not vegan. Now I believe she had children with the first spouse, so its not like she 'missed out'. But I found that very interesting. Again, I think it goes back to whom its more important. But if they were deadlocked, so be it. Nobody wins. I guess I didn't realize how this is a lot of attendees' whole life. They feel so deeply about the animals, that they sometimes sacrifice their own happiness. I'm not sure happiness is the right word, but I think you get what I'm saying. I'm not sure I feel that strongly about anything outside of my husband and children & sister, honestly. I'm actually kind of impressed by that. BUT... You knew that was coming, right? Right before the lecture came to an end, an attendee told her story.
A vegan for many, many years, she was in a relationship with a non-vegan. They married and had one child. They were together 20 years. In the beginning of the relationship, she was quite tolerant of his meat-eating ways. Then came the meat drawer. Then she really did not want meat in the house. Eventually she decided that she could not be with her husband anymore. She needed someone who supported her and her choices. She could not live with someone who ate meat. So they divorced. Obviously, I have no idea if there were other forces at play. Maybe he was mean, maybe he made fun of her. Maybe he slapped her in the face with bloody meat. Ok, maybe that's a stretch. But I didn't get that impression at all. And she said they divorced because he was not a vegan. She divorced him!
On the ride home, I told Brian this story. He kind of flipped out. "She divorced him because he ate meat? That's pretty selfish seeing as how she was vegan in the beginning and kept lowering her tolerance level." I told him how she felt strongly about her choices and it was very important to her. "You know, you take vows of marriage and those vows supersede everything else! Just because all of a sudden you can't be with a meat eater anymore-that's just shitty. Divorce is just such an easy solution." I'll stop there, he went on and on for quite awhile. I honestly had no idea he felt that way. I mean obviously I knew that he doesn't want to get divorced, but who does? It was actually a very cool conversation. I mean with work and kids and everything else, we don't really get to sit and have long important conversations anymore, so it was nice.
One more part in the series of lectures. I saved the best for last, I think! That'll be up on Monday.
As for tonight I'm not sure what the plan is, but I'm figuring it out. We were supposed to go to the fair tonight, but we might wait till tomorrow when there's fireworks. So many choices!! I hope you all have a great weekend-see you back here Sunday!
